I Am Faithful to All My Children

Somewhat recently God has been teaching me what it means to trust him and not to fear. Mostly it was after my first daughter was born that he drove this lesson home. It's so easy to fall into a trap of fretting over what could happen when you have children. I knew then what people meant when they used that corny expression that having kids was like having your heart walk around outside of your body. It is corny, but the meaning is true. You feel like your kids are a part of you and that it would just rip your heart out if anything happened to them. To some extent, I think I have learned the lesson. My thoughts of my children are not monopolized by fears and worries. I've said to God "they are your's, Lord." I have rested in his promise that he is in control, and not just that he can prevent the bad stuff from happening, but that even when the bad stuff does happen he is still trustworthy and loving and kind and gentle and sovereign and good.

But then a good friend of mine had a baby--a little boy they named Malachi. He was born with severe defects, and will require multiple surgeries before she can even take him home. It's going to be a long and exhausting road for her and her husband, both emotionally and physically. And what did I start to do? I fretted. I worried about my dear friend and how she would be able handle this.

I received an email update from this friend this morning. Here is a portion of it:

Some would say why us? We, too, ask "Why us?" but not in the way that you might be expecting. "Why have we been chosen and blessed with this opportunity?" To that, we can only praise Him and do our best through Christ's power to raise and care for Mr. Malachi. To God alone be the glory.

I read that and in my heart it was as if God was saying "See? I am faithful to all my children." And I realized I hadn't learned the lesson. Perhaps I had learned to place my own fear and pain into God's hands, but I wasn't trusting that the same God that I had put my faith in was the same God who would give my friend strength and peace and hope and grace and courage for each trial. I think I actually had the thought that God wasn't supposed to be doing this to them. He should have done it to me, because he had taught me how to handle it. Why did I think that he didn't also teach them how to handle it? I needed to learn that not only is my life in God's hands, but the lives of all his people. And as Paul says, nothing will be able to separate us from his love in Christ Jesus. He is accomplishing his purpose, not just in my life, but in all the lives in his church. He is preparing his bride for glory.

Why Are You Downcast, Oh My Soul?

Why are you downcast, oh my soul?

Did you think gold could fill your heart?

That earth's stuff could make you whole?

Now you watch as it falls apart.

It's better you should find out now

That all your efforts were in vain

Do not cry or weep your loss

Losing this world is only gain.

For when you find that nothing here

Can offer that for which you seek

Cast your all on God alone

Come worn, come weary, humble, weak.

Leave the worldly things behind

Fall down at your Savior's feet

Know the hope that He provides

From His table, come and eat.

~Psalm 42:11

"Why are you downcast, oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."

Lift Our Eyes

At times this world is all we see

Our pain, our sin, our darkest night

We turn away in weakness then

Give up the righteous fight

Lord give us grace to understand

The depths of mercy You've poured out

Please give us wisdom, give us faith

Remove our fear and doubt

God, lift our eyes off of ourselves

Cause us to look above

To see You on Your sovereign throne

And know Your wondrous love.

Someday we'll see Your face, we know

And touch the scars in Jesus' hands

We'll know Your glory, feel Your peace

See grace in all Your plans

Our blessed hope, that day will come

Our faith will turn to sight

Our guilt, our sin will pass away

All wrong will be made right.

God lift our eyes off of ourselves

Cause us to look above

To see You on Your sovereign throne

And know Your wondrous love.

Riches in Heaven

I have a friend who is very bitter towards God. He may not admit it, but it is obviously so. Why is he bitter? Because he looks at the blessings which God has given others and cannot understand why God would not also give him those same blessings.

I admit this friend's life is tough. There are a lot of blessings that most of us possess that he has never experienced. To say it is all his own fault is to turn a blind eye to one's own sinfulness. None of us deserve these blessings, but they have been given to us anyway.

So why has this friend not been blessed in ways that most of us have been? I have no answer for that.

But I do know people who's struggles have far outweighed his own, and yet they did not become bitter. Besides the obvious person from the Bible (Job) I have known people personally. I have known people who have lost friends, jobs, spouses, children. People who have served the Lord in full time ministry their entire lives, and have also struggled financially their whole lives because of it. People who have had their own health taken from them, and yet still cling to God's promises. What do they understand that this other friend does not seem to?

I believe it can be boiled down to one thing--they understand that this world is fleeting. They have little desire for the things of this earth. They know that to compare our earthly blessings is meaningless. Why squabble over how many pennies we each have when we stand to inherit the riches of heaven?

When we see glory it will no longer matter who had the nicer house, or the most friends, or who was healthier, who had the best spouse or the smartest children. It will not matter who had the more fulfilling job, or who got to travel the world, or who had the most money in his retirement fund. To those of us who believe, every desire of our hearts will be satisfied. The married person and the single person will both experience love to the fullest, the wealthy person and the poor person will both walk the streets of gold, the sick person and the healthy person will be made whole. The differences we had on earth will amount to practically nothing.

And perhaps it is those believers who seemingly have been blessed so little on earth who actually have a unique blessing. For if, as John Piper says, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him," then who among us stands to glorify God the most with their lives? I would say it is those of us who seemingly have nothing BUT God.

So I would say to this friend, and to you all, and to myself--do not get caught up in comparison. Do not look at what you have; do not look at what others have. Focus your eyes on heaven. Whether we have a lot, or whether we have a little, it should not keep us from looking above. "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33 (ESV).

Blessed Hope

I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this, but I often have moments as a believer in Christ when the muddy water seems to clear up significantly, and I see things I've never seen before. Such was the case when I read the book "A Journey Worth Taking" by Charles D. Drew. The basic truths in it were not so different from what I've always believed and been taught, but the way they were presented was, shall I say, life changing for me.

The book offers a fresh perspective on finding purpose in life--for the believer. I am not going to go into everything the book says in this post (but I do highly recommend it). I'd just like to share one section.

"Many things now stand in the way of the full satisfying expression of our God-given gifts and motivations. Much in our fallen world inhibits our development as people. We rightly care for people in need (the poor, our children, aging parents), but this can often be at enormous cost in time and energy--resources that might otherwise be spent discovering and developing our particular gifts. Inner struggles can paralyze us. Oppressive parents, friends, or governments shut down much of our creative effort. But that is OK. A better and infinitely more satisfying day is coming just around the corner. We can afford to be patient."

For this often lonely and frustrated stay-at-home mom, those words were very refreshing. The days upon days where it seems the only thing I manage to do is take care of my children's physical needs is not a waste of time, nor is it all there is. We all tend to get caught up in trying to reach full satisfaction in this world--even we Christians. And when we realize how elusive that satisfaction is we can get discouraged. But we need not be discouraged. When we reach heaven none of that will matter, for it is in heaven, and only in heaven, that all our desires will be satisfied. What a blessed hope!

"We are reaching for the future

We are reaching for the past

And no matter what we have, we reach for more.

We are desperate to discover

What is just beyond our grasp

Maybe that's what heaven is for...."

--Carolyn Arends

The Role of a Woman

Sometimes it's confusing being a woman. I suppose it's because everyone has a different opinion of exactly what a woman should and should not be doing. It's easy enough to filter out the world's opinion as self-serving and unbiblical, but the Christian perspectives are divided enough as it is, and most of them claim that the Bible backs up their perspective. What does it mean to usurp a man's authority? What does it mean to learn in quietness and submission? What does it mean to be a submissive wife? Sound simple? Believe me, it's not.

I suppose some women don't have the same trouble as I do. I think it's because some women's God given gifts and talents fit neatly into what most believers consider an appropriate role for a woman to have. If she excels at cleaning and decorating her house, cooking, hospitality, encouraging other women, teaching children's Sunday School classes, singing, or organizing a church potluck, then she is valued highly as an asset to any church family. Trouble is, I'm not that woman. And I often feel that the conversations of the women around me center on these things. Some women have been given a great amount of wisdom to add to these conversations and I have a deep respect for them. I, on the other hand, often feel as if I have nothing to add to these conversations. I would much rather sit around with a group of church elders and discuss particular redemption, but these are groups that even if I were invited into, I would be too intimidated to actually speak. It can sometimes feel as if I have something to say, but no audience to say it to.

I don't mean to sound bitter or resentful. I've come to understand that God made me the way I am for a reason, and I know that his ultimate purpose is that I would glorify him with what he has given me. And perhaps God has not given me an audience because I wouldn't be able to handle the recognition yet. Perhaps I would lose sight of my purpose of bringing God glory and instead glorify myself.

I admit, I write this partly because it is therapeutic to do so. But I also want to encourage other women who may feel as I do. Everything God does is for a purpose. We may not see it at the time, but rest assured that he knows what that purpose is. He has not given you a certain talent or gift only to let it go to waste. His purposes will be accomplished in the lives of his people.

Is Abortion a Good Thing?

I've been reading an interesting book lately. It's called Freakonomics (I can't remember the author's name at the moment). In the book the author attempts to shed light on some misguided thinking we accept as truth. In one chapter he talks about the drastic drop in crime that happened in the 1990's. He discusses the reasons we tend to think would have brought about this reduction in crime (more police, aging population, gun control etc...). But, he says, most of these reasons either did nothing, or at least very little, to cause the drop in crime. What does he attribute the drop in crime to? Abortion.

He was not making a moral judgment about whether abortion is right, but he was pointing out that the facts show that legalized abortion lowered the crime rate. The rationale is that it is unwanted children born to poor, unwed mothers who typically grow into criminals. If these unwanted children are aborted before they have the chance to become criminals, then the crime rate falls.

I'm sure many Christians would want to argue this point. They would want to discredit him, find holes in his argument, and in the end come away being able to say "nothing good comes from abortion!" I'm not going to do this. Instead I'm going to say that after reading his argument I think he's right. I agree that abortion caused the crime rate to fall. Hear me out.

I follow the logic, but it does not change the way I feel about abortion. You see, when it comes to the commands of God the ends do not, cannot, justify the means. Whereas someone who does not believe in God would have a hard time coming to any other conclusion but that legalized abortion was good for America, those of us who believe in God cannot come to any other conclusion but that the deliberate and intentional killing of an innocent life is wrong no matter what our perceived benefits. The consequential drop in crime rate does no more to convince me that abortion is good than the consequential convenience a person may experience by being able to undergo an abortion.

Belief in God means belief in something greater than you or I. It means believing that Someone else makes the rules, Someone else is in control, and that Someone else will hold us accountable. People who say they believe in God but don't believe that he makes the rules do not really believe in God. But for those of us who do believe, we must follow his commands in faith. He doesn't say "Do it my way unless your way seems better." 

So when you hear of abortion causing drops in crime, embryonic stem cell research curing diseases, or even a healthy amount of greed causing our economy to thrive, do not let it sway you, discourage you, or anger you. Sin is sin no matter the outcome. Trust that God's way is not only better, God's way is the only GOOD way there is, no matter what limited benefit we may see to another way.

Righteousness

I used to listen to sermons and want a three step application. I wanted to know exactly what steps I needed to take to achieve, in my practical daily life, whatever the pastor was challenging me to do. 

I realize now that this is legalism.  I wanted to be able to check something off my list of righteous acts. I wanted to be able to say "ok, I did steps A, B and C so I've done my duty. I'm righteous." I wouldn't have stated it this way, but that's what I was really thinking in my heart. 

So what is the proper response to a pastor's challenge? I will not claim to have it all figured out, but I tend to think that the only thing we can do is to cry out to God. Our only possible course of action is to say "God please help me! I want to serve you, I want to glorify you, I want to be dependent on you, I want to trust you, I want to obey your commands with my whole heart! Help me to do this!"  

This may not seem like a satisfying answer to you (if you are anything like me). It's definitely not that three step process that makes everything so plain. But it really is all we can do. For bringing about righteousness in our lives by our own work is fruitless. All it can bring about is either despair or pride.  

So present yourself as instruments of righteousness in God's hands. Because true righteousness only comes from his hands. It can never come from our own. All we can offer of ourselves is filthy rags.  Our only course of action is dependence on God. The only thing we can stand on is Christ's death on the cross.  The only thing we can do is call out to him. 

A Mother's Prayer

Dear Lord, I pray that I would never stand between my children and You. It is far too easy to impose my own will on my children. It comes far too naturally to tell them what my own version of righteousness is. I pray that you would keep me from doing this. I cannot be the Holy Spirit. I cannot save them. I cannot change their hearts. And trying to do these things only succeeds in cluttering their view of You. I don't want to put anything in the way of them seeing You for who You are. I pray that my desire would be to point them to You. I pray that I would teach them Your Word and then let you do the work in their hearts. Help me, please, to get out of the way. Please give me one desire for my children--to see them walk in Your Truth. Strip me of my preconceived notions of what my children should be. Let me only desire Your will in their lives.

Do You Know?

My husband's birthday is tomorrow, so this blog is in honor of him, and written to him.

I may consider myself a writer in some respects, but when I try to put into words how I feel about you, I struggle. I do not want to lift you up higher than my heavenly Father, but you mean so much to me that my attempts at telling you fall short. But I will do my best to write on paper what my heart is saying. 

Do you know that I still get excited when I know you are almost home? It's like a nervous feeling in my stomach when I see your car pull in the driveway. Perhaps not as intense as it was in our infatuation days, but it is still there. 

Do you know my heart skips a beat when you laugh at my jokes? It's true. And hearing your laugh is probably one of my most favorite sounds in the world.

Do you know that I can't imagine what life would be without you? Does that sound cliche? What I mean is that when I look down the road at my future you are always there.  I understand that there are things out of my control that could take you out of that picture--but as far as it is up to me my future will always include you. 

Do you know that I have absolutely no way of measuring how handsome you are? It is impossible for me to be objective.  Who you are and what you mean to me is all wrapped up in how I see you. I cannot begin to separate those things, and so you are the most wonderful looking man I've ever seen.

Do you know that our marriage helps me understand Christ's love for believers? You have promised me that you will always love  me--through the good and the bad. Your love is not based on how you feel about me on any particular day--your love is based on the fact that I am your wife. The security I feel in knowing you will always love me is a picture to me of God's love for His chosen. 

Do you know you are my best friend? Again, I don't mean to sound cliche. You truly are the first person I go to when I'm distressed, the first person I want to share good news with, and the first person I think of when I consider the friends in my life. There is no one I'd rather discuss the deep complexities of life with, there is no one I'd rather hash out theology with, and there is no one whose opinion carries more weight with me. And there is no better feeling than when I realize that you agree with me--even when no one else does. And even when you don't agree with me, my differing opinion is not something you can just discard. Whether we like it or not, my opinion changes you and your opinion changes me until we somehow, maybe years down the road, find that the thing we used to disagree on is something that we stand firmly together on. That is a wonderful thing!

These are just a few of the things that came to mind as I wrote this. I love you so much, and I don't say it enough. You truly are "my favorite person". Happy Birthday, my beloved!

"He shall judge between the nations

And will decide disputes for many peoples;

And they shall beat their swords into plowshares

And their spears into pruning hooks;

Nation shall not lift up sword against nation,

Neither shall they learn war anymore."--Isaiah 2:4 (ESV)

I came to another one of my realizations. For all I know, some of you have already come to this realization and I'm late to discover it, but I will write about it anyway.  We discussed the above verse in Sunday School yesterday. As we read the verses about an end to war and strife, I realized that we Christians have something in common with unbelievers. We all want the same thing.  

Now if someone had made that statement to me in previous days I would have instantly argued. I would have said that Christians desire completely different things than non-Christians. I would have had sited many examples of this, too. But now I am making that statement myself, and I believe it to be true (although, it is a very broad statement, and in narrower terms it could be shown to be untrue.) But I noticed while reading this verse how it sounded like what American culture is longing for. They long for an end to war--for all the nations to unite.  They long for a day when there will be no more need for guns, or bombs, or soldiers, or tanks.  And which believer among us would argue that we don't long for the same thing? 

There is one distinct difference, though. Unbelievers have no course of action but to try to bring about this union on their own. They must trust in men to cease war. How terribly frustrating that must be? I cannot help but think that even those unbelievers who cling so tenaciously to the fight to end war, know in their heart of hearts that we are no closer to ending war today than we were a thousand years ago. The truth is the end to wars and strife cannot come about by the work of man, for man is depraved. We are marked by sin, and live in a world marked by sin. Strivings cannot cease by human power.  But so many people today have taken God completely out of the picture, and therefore they have nothing else to hope in other than men. 

This desire and falsely placed hope extends beyond the dream of no more war, too. Just think about the things that are sought after so desperately in our nation today. The people want to end war, save the earth, end disease, and see that there are no more poor people.  To them there is nothing that should not be done to bring this "utopia" about.  Nothing--not money, morality, religion, constitution, or creed should stand in the way of bringing peace and love to all.  If only they realized that these are the very things God has promised. If only they'd put their hope in the only One who can bring these things about.  

Let this be a reminder to Christians--do not fall into the trap of placing your hope in these things happening through the work of man! It seems even believers have been swept up in some of these ideas. While peace may be a worthy cause, and we are called to live peaceably as much as possible--it will not be a reality until God returns to judge the nations himself. Until then, bending our swords into plowshares is not called of us, and probably not wise! A nation, even a peaceful one, needs an army to protect it while sin still reigns on the earth. And we must remember that the earth is decaying--it cannot last forever, no matter how much we recycle or how many trees we save. Only God can restore creation--and he has promised to do so! We must remember that disease will always be with us, and the poor will always be among us until Christ comes. 

We live in a fallen world, and our hope lies in the world to come--the world that God himself will bring about.

Letting Go

So what are your life changing moments? I'm pretty sure we've all had them. You know, the moments when you are faced with some new information, some new experience, and you have to decide what you are going to do with that. It changes what you previously knew to be true, it shakes your foundation. 

I've had a few of those moments.  Moving to a new school, new church, new town, even a new state just before my senior year of high school was one of those moments. Getting married, and moving out of state again was another life changing moment. Perhaps one of my biggest life changing moments came when my first daughter was born. 

Up until that point the challenge from God was to give myself completely over to him. But all of a sudden God was asking me to give something else over to him--my baby girl. I admit, I didn't let go willingly. I had never loved and cared about someone so much that it scared me. I was almost in a panic at first. The last thing I wanted to do was say "God, she's all yours." Questions whirled around in my head. "What if she gets hurt? what if she gets sick? what if she rebels? what if she dies? what if she never receives salvation?" That last one was the worst. I couldn't bear the thought.  So I clung to her as if I could protect her from all the what-ifs... and the world became such a scary place. 

Finally there came a time when I could stand it no longer. So with tears and trembling I brought my baby girl to the Lord and put her in his sovereign arms. What a relief that was! And it wasn't because I instantly had some great confidence that she would never be hurt, she would never get sick, she would never rebel, never die, and that she would surely come to faith in Christ. The relief came because I realized God had a plan--and no matter what that plan involved, he meant it for good. And the most life changing realization of all--even if God chooses for me to be the mother of an unbeliever--he has a purpose in it.  I saw the bigger picture that day--the day I handed Evelyn over to God.  

Since then I've had two more baby girls.  And as soon as they were placed in my arms I didn't walk--I ran to Christ and said "She is yours! Her life, her soul are in your hands!"  What else can I do but give them back to God? They are rightfully his to begin with, and he will do with them what he pleases. And everything God does is good.