Stop Swinging. Stand Firm.

There is more than one definition for the word "legalism", but in Christian circles it pretty much means to judge the health of one's spiritual life, or even the validity of their salvation based on rules of conduct that are extra-biblical. My life has definitely been affected by legalism. As I grew, I started recognizing things that I had been taught to believe as sinful that were not, in fact, recognized as sin in the Bible. I am not bitter about it, though. Not a bit. It is not hard to see how a generation of people who grew up in a time where tattoos were a sign of rebellion would consider it wrong for their children to get a tattoo. When you grow up with an alcoholic father who destroys his life and the lives of his family, it is not hard to see how drinking becomes associated with evil. When you see the depravity represented in so many movies and TV shows, it is not astonishing when people decide the Christian's life is better off without it. When you notice the oversexualization our culture is engaged it is not surprising that some will take modesty to an extreme.

So I am not bitter. I understand. But like a lot of other people who grew up affected by legalism, I decided I was going to try to rid my life of legalism. I realize it is not as easy as it may seem. The first instinct is to jump on the pendulum in the opposite direction of legalism. The funny thing is, it is not the opposite of legalism that you end up with when you get on that pendulum. In most cases, you end up just as entrenched in legalism as you were before. Instead of viewing those with tattoos, or those who drink, or watch R rated movies, or wear shorts that seem a bit too short as "lesser Christians", you start viewing Christians who don't partake of those things as the "lesser Christians." And all the while you may be more legalistic in your thinking than the Christians who refrain. 

I'm not a fan of pendulum swinging. I see it in my life and the lives of others and I cringe. In order to fight against one wrong we end up swinging so far the other way that we end up just as wrong. Legalism is just one area where I am trying to find that perfect balance. But balance can not be found when I am riding the pendulum. Riding the pendulum will only end up at one of two extremes. So what is the answer? Look to Christ. I need to center my heart and my mind on my Savior and I will find I have no use for pendulum swinging any longer. He is steadfast, and only at His feet will I find a firm place to stand. 

Failing

There seems to be somewhat of a trend of writing lists of things no one told us before having kids. It's as if it's other parents' responsibility to prepare us for every single thing that would or could happen when we are pregnant, give birth, and raise children. Not one to buck a trend, I decided to make my own list.

So here goes.

No one told me that as a mother I'd:
1. Feel like a failure over and over and over again.

That's about it. All the other stuff has been mentioned. Like the fact that you'll get used to finding boogers in odd places, you'll give up on combing your children's hair unless you are going somewhere (going outside to play and going to the grocery store do not count as "going somewhere"), you will sometimes feed your children sugary cereal for dinner, and you will discover that fishing poop out of a tub of water is not as easy as it may seem. I could go on and on. But when it comes right down to it, the one thing that is hardest to handle as a mother is the feeling of failure.

I'm sure we have all felt like a failure at some point in our lives. It isn't a feeling restricted to mothers. But I know that I didn't feel that feeling quite so deeply or quite so often as I do now that I am a mother. I think that's because 97.8% (that's a low estimate) of my energy is devoted to my children at this time in my life. When you are pouring that much of yourself and your strength into one thing (raising children) then you expect that you'd do a pretty good job. But no. You give everything you've got and so many days, after you get them to bed and kiss them goodnight you sit down and think to yourself, "I've failed in so many ways today." Add to that the fact that raising children is probably the most important thing you will ever devote your time to, and it is a recipe for profound discouragement.

So as an encouragement to those who feel this feeling of parenting failure, or who are thinking of possibly becoming parents at some point in their lives, let me say this: I'm pretty sure you are SUPPOSED to feel like a failure at child rearing, because, well, you are one. But when you get to that point where you realize you simply can't do it alone (and it's not one moment in time, the realization will come and go) it is then that you can begin to give your children to God. It is not an excuse to give up, though. Work as diligently as you can as you learn and grow in Christ, to be a good mother. Shoot for that perfect balance of mercy and discipline. Lavish your kids with love. Cry out for patience (you will need it every hour). And take that feeling of failure and turn it into a wonderful knowledge of your dependence on Christ. Draw on his strength. He gives it freely!