A Mother's Prayer

Dear Lord, I pray that I would never stand between my children and You. It is far too easy to impose my own will on my children. It comes far too naturally to tell them what my own version of righteousness is. I pray that you would keep me from doing this. I cannot be the Holy Spirit. I cannot save them. I cannot change their hearts. And trying to do these things only succeeds in cluttering their view of You. I don't want to put anything in the way of them seeing You for who You are. I pray that my desire would be to point them to You. I pray that I would teach them Your Word and then let you do the work in their hearts. Help me, please, to get out of the way. Please give me one desire for my children--to see them walk in Your Truth. Strip me of my preconceived notions of what my children should be. Let me only desire Your will in their lives.

Do You Know?

My husband's birthday is tomorrow, so this blog is in honor of him, and written to him.

I may consider myself a writer in some respects, but when I try to put into words how I feel about you, I struggle. I do not want to lift you up higher than my heavenly Father, but you mean so much to me that my attempts at telling you fall short. But I will do my best to write on paper what my heart is saying. 

Do you know that I still get excited when I know you are almost home? It's like a nervous feeling in my stomach when I see your car pull in the driveway. Perhaps not as intense as it was in our infatuation days, but it is still there. 

Do you know my heart skips a beat when you laugh at my jokes? It's true. And hearing your laugh is probably one of my most favorite sounds in the world.

Do you know that I can't imagine what life would be without you? Does that sound cliche? What I mean is that when I look down the road at my future you are always there.  I understand that there are things out of my control that could take you out of that picture--but as far as it is up to me my future will always include you. 

Do you know that I have absolutely no way of measuring how handsome you are? It is impossible for me to be objective.  Who you are and what you mean to me is all wrapped up in how I see you. I cannot begin to separate those things, and so you are the most wonderful looking man I've ever seen.

Do you know that our marriage helps me understand Christ's love for believers? You have promised me that you will always love  me--through the good and the bad. Your love is not based on how you feel about me on any particular day--your love is based on the fact that I am your wife. The security I feel in knowing you will always love me is a picture to me of God's love for His chosen. 

Do you know you are my best friend? Again, I don't mean to sound cliche. You truly are the first person I go to when I'm distressed, the first person I want to share good news with, and the first person I think of when I consider the friends in my life. There is no one I'd rather discuss the deep complexities of life with, there is no one I'd rather hash out theology with, and there is no one whose opinion carries more weight with me. And there is no better feeling than when I realize that you agree with me--even when no one else does. And even when you don't agree with me, my differing opinion is not something you can just discard. Whether we like it or not, my opinion changes you and your opinion changes me until we somehow, maybe years down the road, find that the thing we used to disagree on is something that we stand firmly together on. That is a wonderful thing!

These are just a few of the things that came to mind as I wrote this. I love you so much, and I don't say it enough. You truly are "my favorite person". Happy Birthday, my beloved!

"He shall judge between the nations

And will decide disputes for many peoples;

And they shall beat their swords into plowshares

And their spears into pruning hooks;

Nation shall not lift up sword against nation,

Neither shall they learn war anymore."--Isaiah 2:4 (ESV)

I came to another one of my realizations. For all I know, some of you have already come to this realization and I'm late to discover it, but I will write about it anyway.  We discussed the above verse in Sunday School yesterday. As we read the verses about an end to war and strife, I realized that we Christians have something in common with unbelievers. We all want the same thing.  

Now if someone had made that statement to me in previous days I would have instantly argued. I would have said that Christians desire completely different things than non-Christians. I would have had sited many examples of this, too. But now I am making that statement myself, and I believe it to be true (although, it is a very broad statement, and in narrower terms it could be shown to be untrue.) But I noticed while reading this verse how it sounded like what American culture is longing for. They long for an end to war--for all the nations to unite.  They long for a day when there will be no more need for guns, or bombs, or soldiers, or tanks.  And which believer among us would argue that we don't long for the same thing? 

There is one distinct difference, though. Unbelievers have no course of action but to try to bring about this union on their own. They must trust in men to cease war. How terribly frustrating that must be? I cannot help but think that even those unbelievers who cling so tenaciously to the fight to end war, know in their heart of hearts that we are no closer to ending war today than we were a thousand years ago. The truth is the end to wars and strife cannot come about by the work of man, for man is depraved. We are marked by sin, and live in a world marked by sin. Strivings cannot cease by human power.  But so many people today have taken God completely out of the picture, and therefore they have nothing else to hope in other than men. 

This desire and falsely placed hope extends beyond the dream of no more war, too. Just think about the things that are sought after so desperately in our nation today. The people want to end war, save the earth, end disease, and see that there are no more poor people.  To them there is nothing that should not be done to bring this "utopia" about.  Nothing--not money, morality, religion, constitution, or creed should stand in the way of bringing peace and love to all.  If only they realized that these are the very things God has promised. If only they'd put their hope in the only One who can bring these things about.  

Let this be a reminder to Christians--do not fall into the trap of placing your hope in these things happening through the work of man! It seems even believers have been swept up in some of these ideas. While peace may be a worthy cause, and we are called to live peaceably as much as possible--it will not be a reality until God returns to judge the nations himself. Until then, bending our swords into plowshares is not called of us, and probably not wise! A nation, even a peaceful one, needs an army to protect it while sin still reigns on the earth. And we must remember that the earth is decaying--it cannot last forever, no matter how much we recycle or how many trees we save. Only God can restore creation--and he has promised to do so! We must remember that disease will always be with us, and the poor will always be among us until Christ comes. 

We live in a fallen world, and our hope lies in the world to come--the world that God himself will bring about.

Letting Go

So what are your life changing moments? I'm pretty sure we've all had them. You know, the moments when you are faced with some new information, some new experience, and you have to decide what you are going to do with that. It changes what you previously knew to be true, it shakes your foundation. 

I've had a few of those moments.  Moving to a new school, new church, new town, even a new state just before my senior year of high school was one of those moments. Getting married, and moving out of state again was another life changing moment. Perhaps one of my biggest life changing moments came when my first daughter was born. 

Up until that point the challenge from God was to give myself completely over to him. But all of a sudden God was asking me to give something else over to him--my baby girl. I admit, I didn't let go willingly. I had never loved and cared about someone so much that it scared me. I was almost in a panic at first. The last thing I wanted to do was say "God, she's all yours." Questions whirled around in my head. "What if she gets hurt? what if she gets sick? what if she rebels? what if she dies? what if she never receives salvation?" That last one was the worst. I couldn't bear the thought.  So I clung to her as if I could protect her from all the what-ifs... and the world became such a scary place. 

Finally there came a time when I could stand it no longer. So with tears and trembling I brought my baby girl to the Lord and put her in his sovereign arms. What a relief that was! And it wasn't because I instantly had some great confidence that she would never be hurt, she would never get sick, she would never rebel, never die, and that she would surely come to faith in Christ. The relief came because I realized God had a plan--and no matter what that plan involved, he meant it for good. And the most life changing realization of all--even if God chooses for me to be the mother of an unbeliever--he has a purpose in it.  I saw the bigger picture that day--the day I handed Evelyn over to God.  

Since then I've had two more baby girls.  And as soon as they were placed in my arms I didn't walk--I ran to Christ and said "She is yours! Her life, her soul are in your hands!"  What else can I do but give them back to God? They are rightfully his to begin with, and he will do with them what he pleases. And everything God does is good.