Peace Through Unrest

I'm finding that the Christian life is one of extremes. I used to think mature Christians had to be at peace all the time. I believe now that those of us who are always at peace are either in denial or not mature at all. The more I learn about God and who he is, and who I am, the more heart wrenching moments I experience. My sin is more grievous--anyone's sin is more grievous now. Areas where my faith is lacking become much more obvious and much more painful as I grow in Christ. My burden for those who are lost becomes much more difficult to bear. Tears come much more readily at the thought of what Christ did for me. I wrestle with how utterly undeserving I am, and struggle with thoughts of why me and why not them?

But with the deeper pain comes deeper joy, as well. Every time I begin to despair, my Savior is so quick to comfort. When the grief becomes too much to bear, he lifts the burden. It is overwhelming to me when I think of all the times he has given me exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. There's a sense of anticipation now, when the road becomes difficult, of how he will provide. There's also a greater peace that comes as I go through the times of unrest. It's a peace that is much stronger, much more durable than ever before. A peace that comes, not from a lack of grief, but from the knowledge that every hurt, every difficulty, every minute of every trial will be completely worth it in the end. And not only worth it, but it will pale in comparison with the joy that is to come.